A blog on wordpress.com, The Good Greatsby, released a post on 21 June 2011, entitled “Your Summer Swimsuit Strategy” and has received 213 responses in three days … wtf … there’s *no* way you could ever get me to contend with something like that…
I’d never need to eat breakfast, lunch nor dinner… good mother of god…
So who the hell is The Good Greatsby?
“Your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, ‘I don’t get it,’ and ‘Is the page with the funny part missing?”
And I have to say, I *did* enjoy, and *will* enjoy reading his blog … !
Click on the photo to re-direct to the blog posting:
Just to save you re-directing your internet browser I’ve extracted from Paul Johnson’s post.
<< Years ago you could really rock a swimsuit, but now you go nine months at a time without looking at your pale, bloated body. You’re not even sure what it looks like under there… you need some strategies to deflect attention from your less than stellar beach body.
Try humour to defuse the situation:
- The striptease: Reveal your swimsuit by suggestively removing your shirt and pants, twirling them over your head, and throwing them to other swimmers while singing, “Buh, buh, buh, buh, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum.”
- If the pool party is accompanying a BBQ, try setting your casserole on the potluck table and then saying, “Did I mention I also brought some Jello?” then remove your shirt, slap your stomach, and watch it jiggle. (This also works on thighs. Get creative! Have fun with it.)
- If you’re worried about unsightly stretch marks, try saying, “I guess I should stretch out before getting in the pool. Uh-oh, I think I overdid it! Look what I just did to my stomach/legs.”
- “Was it alright that I invited our German neighbors, Heinz and Birgit?” Point to your hind quarters and your beer gut. “Get it? Hind and beer gut. Why aren’t you laughing? You don’t think that’s funny? Well, I don’t think this is a very good party. And I peed in your pool.”
- “I hope everybody believes it’s what’s inside that counts. Although to be honest, I have severe heart disease so my insides are also well below average.”
If humor isn’t your thing, here are a couple of innovations you might find useful:
- Try wearing a nude swimsuit. This is a flesh-colored suit with naked parts printed on the outside. People will be so distracted with your suggestive suit, they won’t notice the parts of you that are actually exposed.
- Try wearing a reflective metallic swimsuit that will blind all who look at you.
If you actually look good in a swimsuit, no jokes are necessary. As a matter of fact your presence at this pool party isn’t necessary. Please go home. You’re not welcome here. >>
I guess that is why he got so many responses, huh? Teee-heee-heee!