If there were such a thing as babytwitter.com

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Imaginary baby tweets of a baby-child,
inspired by my nephew Jacob.


  1. <photo of family @homeinkitchen>
    pepoliknow=3+me; jake(5)
  2. <photo of family @homeinlivingroom>
    all the people in my world = 3+me (jacob 5years old)
  3. <photo of shoppers on their supermarket trip>
    today there are more people, but i don’t know them.
  4. <photo of fresh produce section of Sainsbury’s supermarket>
  5. <photo: sitting in the shopping trolley being towed around>
  6. <photo: in car seat>
    sit in car
  7. <photo: accessorized car seat area>
    passenger in car
  8. <photo: personalised car seating area>
    baby dictator in car
  9. <photo: fruit bowl>
  10. <photo: jars of Heinz baby food>
    food i eat
  11. <photo: other people’s food at dinner time>
    food i like to eat
  12. <photo: anything that looks small and mashed up and unrecognisable by anyone who can actually walk>
    food i know i eat
  13. <photo: smell the food and like it>
    food i know i need to eat
  14. <photo: a large, new, crisp  high-value cash paper note in my hand>
  15. <photo: a small collection of high-value goods that makes grown ups go ‘waaaah!’ in awe – recognise this noise and ensure all other goods that follow fit the bill>
    things grandpa gave to me
  16. <photo: a few playful things that I can toy with for hours and no one else understands the value of – it’s between me and grandpa – he’s mine!>
    grandpa’s presents to me
  17. <photo: things I like, recognize and perhaps asked for>
    from grandpa to me
  18. <photo: things I asked for that are probably expensive – my way to help grandpa lighten and turnover the contents of his wallet – it makes grandpa tired so I only see him now and again and only for short time>
    my presents from grandpa
  19. <photo: things I know I (will) need>
    for me from grandpa
  20. <photo: I feel warm when I see grandpa>
    grandpa loves me
  21. <photo: I look forward to seeing grandpa>
    grandpa actually loves me
  22. <photo: I feel safe with grandpa and the world isn’t so scary and big and unknown and difficult>
    grandpa truly loves me
  23. <photo: grandpa has a lot to tell me but I don’t understand it>
    grandpa maybe loves me
  24. <photo: grandpa taught me how to play and I understood>
    grandpa loves me
  25. <photo: me and my grandpa>
    my grandpa
  26. <photo: helping out at home>
  27. <photo: my own play and rest space at home>
  28. <photo: young siblings disturb home peace>
  29. <photo: unknown mother-look-alike makes her way around our home>
    grandma who?
  30. <photo: constant re-introductions>
    grandma that
    <photo: unknown woman is extra home help>
    grandma that one
  31. <photo: be wary of unknown woman – do I tell her what to do or not? – does she know what to do or not?>
    grandma i don’t know
  32. <photo: tired of unknown woman – need another introduction, probably more in-depth from grandpa>
    ignore grandma
  33. <photo: too many people in my life now – confused>
    when there are other grown-ups around me only pay attention to grandpa
  34. <photo: learning to recognize mummy to the finest detail, the most infinitesimal dots, crosses and tees>
    find mummy and seek help
  35. <photo: realization of self and others – the clearing of mind>
    mummy is helpful
  36. <photo: brain learns to register and learn – relaxed yet stressed>
    mummy is help
  37. <photo: becoming intelligent and clever of mind and brain>
    mummy is the help
  38. <photo: advancing mental intellect>
    mummy is the home help
  39. <photo: warping of intelligence through lack of suitable, loving guidance>
    mummy is my servant
  40. <photo: domestic maids or servants at home>
    I have many mummies
  41. <photo: feeling misalignment of heart, mind, body and soul>
    where is daddy?
  42. <photo: await the arrival and homecoming of the familiar big guy>
    daddy makes home better
  43. <photo: relax when home is being prepared for daddy’s evening homecoming>
    when daddy is home it is much better than when he is not home
  44. <photo: shoot demeaning glances at mummy>
    mummy only makes things better when daddy is here
  45. <photo: watch, register and learn as mummy actively, hands-on achieves domestic duties>
    maybe mummy makes home better
  46. <photo: daddy slumped as soon as he comes through the door and never recovers that evening>
    daddy just comes home
  47. <photo: daddy exhausted on the sofa>
    then daddy falls asleep
  48. <photo: daddy makes speaking noises that I don’t understand – things were never like this before>
    daddy just talks about making home better
  49. <photo: daddy’s wallet features heavily in our daily lives spent together as a family>
    i think daddy has money
  50. <photo: the contents of daddy’s wallet are beginning to register in my brain>
    daddy has a wallet that contains money (currency)…
  51. <photo: start to suspect gender and generational differences and notice daddy and grandpa have similarities>
    …just like grandpa’s (access many areas)
  52. <photo: mummy always smiles when there are new things>
    i think money makes things better
  53. <photo: ease up on learning about grown-ups and start to pay more attention to other influencing factors around me (stress factors) – most noticeably anyone around my own height>
    plenty of small children at home, no more now
  54. <photo: seek things to blame – the blame game starts now>
    i can’t focus – i don’t have enough attention
  55. <photo: point fingers and demand explanations – seek to understand>
    who is that other baby?
  56. <photo: point fingers often at the same object at different times – seek to understand in context of time (stage of process and/or development), position (status or level of being; age or generation; hierarchy or bureaucracy; voluntary or imposed), location (physical or geographical), situation (level of importance, priority and urgency), scenario (what is going on?) and who is present (relationships)… there’s more but I can’t remember them all from before>
    is it necessary?
  57. <photo: look at object with confusion>
    what am I supposed to do? with it or without it? to it or from it?
  58. <photo: ask and demand questions – learn how to seek answers and explanations for the turmoil within – things i have seem to disappear, get smaller or become inappropriate for me – they don’t give me the same feeling as before>
    i don’t mind sharing things, but what do i get?
  59. <photo: draw from the heart’s mind (or the brain’s recesses) memories of how to cry and create tantrums – crumple the face first>
    what if i start crying again? i would become soothed afterwards.
  60. <photo: feel hard-done by – no one tells me the tricks of the trade, the by-ways and side-ways of the road of life, nor gives me the map of navigators>
    i know i shouldn’t have stopped crying – it is the most commanding action i know.
  61. <photo: ignore anything new, reinforce the old – dig it up if I must>
    i must remember how i was to bring about being soothed and cared for.
  62. <photo: reminisce and feel golden nostalgia – refuse to grow up>
    i used to get all sorts of things
  63. <photo: wonder if there are more golden times to be had that others are hiding from you>
    i wonder what else there is…
  64. <photo: seek mature, wise and encompassing adult care, love and attention for further growth and explanations>
    oh, i get to grow up to become an adult, a grown up
  65. <photo: discover the more positive and joyful sides of adulthood>
    i see, that seems interesting…
  66. <photo: seek more to dispel your current developing belief that babyhood and childhood are, or will be, the best times of your life>
    I like running around like crazy especially when I’m somewhere new.
  67. <photo: enjoy both the company of grown-ups and the company of childhood buddies and playmates – learn to love and care about my family more, especially as a child>
    let me find out more, at my own pace, on my voyage of discovery about grown-upness.
  68. <photo: browsing books, toys and other development aids and playthings  outside of my own age range>
    I had better remember my age and what childhood actually is.
  69. <photo: running around like a silly-billy with wide grin and squeals with other children of own age outside – wild abandonment of realism>
    I’m a child! And I know what childhood is!
  70. <photo: dismissive of clocks, but love sitting next to play-clocks>
    I have time to grow up slowly: my pace, my way with loving guidance from my family and other that care for me.

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